The page I was on.. And the page I'm on today..

It's been so long since I've checked my blog.
I read the few posts I wrote almost 10 months ago.. And I can barely believe I personally wrote those words.. Even though it's been 10 months only, but I have changed completely..

Honestly?
I regret writing a lot of things.. Because they were a mere waste of time and energy.
A waste of thought as well.

Today.. Right now.. I am happy.

Fog

Every time I write a new post, there's a specific attitude behind it.. And lately, I've been swinging way too much..

Part of it because I'm insane, yes.. But the other part, is because you're confusing the heck out of me..

Make up your mind, please.

For real? For reeeeaaal???

Back to the lies.
No wait, you never really got rid of that habit in the first place, so we're still on the same page.

I never expected your "babe, I'm home!" so don't start treating me as if you're doing me a favor.
With that history of yours? Man.. You better take care..

I'm sorry that you got bored of your tramps.

A muddled state of mind

I never liked waiting.
I'm not sure how to handle it. It gets on my nerves and makes me very stressed.

So now what?
I have to sit down, wait for a while, act as if nothing's going on?

Make up your mind.

Come to me..
I'll hold you tight.. I'll keep you warm, I'll keep you safe.. I'll mend your heart and love you forever.


I know I'm deluded.. But I love this illusion.. It's keeping me alive..
Ugh.. What am I supposed to do?!

Deluded.. So deluded

Of course I am..

I say horrible things about you, but at the end of the day, when I go to bed, you're my last thought before I fall asleep..
And when I wake up, you're the first thing on my mind..
As for the time between sleeping and waking up.. I spend it struggling and fighting with my inner self.. Because I miss you even though I shouldn't.. Because I love you, and it's stupid..
Stupidity, guilt and confusion are killing me..

Maybe we should both die at the same time.. And then our souls might get together again.

I miss having a cat..
Actually, I miss Poosy..

Illusion

Happiness my butt!!
I'm stuck....

Hello freedom.. Hello birthday!

Let's see.. A happy post? Oh man.. I can't help it.. I am happy.. And this is probably the first time I post something relatively positive.

Viva revolution.. Viva Egypt! If Guevara was alive, he would've been really happy for the Egyptians. This is not about kicking a president's butt.. This is about retrieving dignity and pride. About waking up in the morning, feeling truly free.. Walking down the streets, feeling like you own every single road and path in this country because it's yours. It is about retrieving what was stolen from you.

And damn.. I'm 21 already? I sure don't feel like I've been living for 21 years!
This year.. I'll make a difference.
This year I'll be happier. I'll be successful. I'll be everything I always wanted to be. I know I can make it because I've got all that it takes to be that kind of person. And because I finally have the right people by my side.
If only dad was here.. I would've made him proud.. Really proud.

And as for you.. The one who's been making my life a living hell.. Goodbye.
I'm finally free.
I got back my freedom.. Just like those brave Egyptians got their freedom.

Having one of those days..

It may be hard for you to believe.. But living with this sickness is far more difficult than the pain it brings to you from my hurtful words. For you- you can escape. You can walk away from me at any moment. I am left here in my mind. In the pain and confusion that is my life.