Hurt

I decided 2 post the lyrics to one of my current fav songs at the moment, it's a song I can 100% relate to it..I'm also goin to add the song's video coz it's really good..
I'm not trying to be a drama queen, neither be so depressive but this is who I am, n how I feel right now..
It's been 33 days..And I'm still trying to hold on n be strong..
If only I can turn back the hands of time, if only ppl can understand the pain, shame, hurt & regret I'm feelin..If only anyone can understand..
Dad..I DO love u so very much, n I miss u even more..

Christina Aguilera - Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

One more breath..

Back to this life..My life..

Yet another breath, feels hard though..Feels like the weight of the world..It's heavy on my heart..

I'm trying to grab the old pieces of my past life, trying to gather them together, n complete the picture in my head. But it's not the image I'm lookin for..

I dream of things, everything..Everyone..I live in a dreamy world in order to survive..
Maybe it isn't right, but what is right & wrong?!

It's been 29 days..

Alive

Just a post..
To tell u..




That I'm still alive..

-.-

Just some crap..

Yet, another day..

*Same shit, different day!*

I'm at the uni righ now, my exam will start in 2 hours & 30 minutes..
I didn't study well yesterday, first there was that huge note that I didn't understand (n I still dun get it) and then I got bored n ufff, I hate to study..I just read the notes..
Though I still have one more note to read, but I dun think I'm in the mood 2 do anything right now..The worst thing, is that I haven't slept all night..
And yeah ok, it's starting to be my life style now, staying up for more than 35 hours every once in a while..But damn I'm tired!! :/

And I know that I dun have to do it..But I just do it anyway..In both cases I'm wasting time, whether I slept or not..

So yeah apart from that..I'm ok..[I guess]..

Gosh When I think of myself, of who I really am..I wonder if someone will ever love me, n I mean love me forever..Coz I tend to push away all the ones that loves me, n I've been pretty good at that lately!! :(
I dunno y I've to mess things up everytime they're perfect..It's just killing me..

I miss Hiba..Terribly..
I just, need to talk to her..I want her to be in my life..

Mom told me the other day (or maybe I should use the word "screamed") that I'm just like my father, n maybe she's right..I am like him..
But I dun mind, at least it's better than being like her..
Actually, I hate my entire family, so it duzn really matter..

I'm glad I've this blog to write in it every now n then..Coz I haven't touched my real notebook since god knows when, I guess I no longer like to 'write'..Typing seems easier :P

So what else?!

Hmm..For some weird reason, I feel like I wanna keep on writing forever, I just dun wanna end this post..It's sorta cool though, coz I've nothin else to do..

Rabih asked me yesterday about the scars I have on my arm..I must admit, my heart was beating really fast when he looked at me n simply asked me bout em, but I think I managed to stay calm n look cool, n just lie to him about it..
Well, I am a good liar, I mean I always know what 2 say & how 2 say it..But I'm glad that I no longer lie too much..Lying sucks..

I'm in a bad need for some loud & heavy music right now..Music is my anti-drug..

It's really cold at the moment :S

And I'm deadly bored..

If only u knew,
How much I love u..

Tonight, it all ends..It's just over..


Forever me & forever you..

Lithium

This song, is one of my very favourite songs by my fav band Evanescence

I guess I can relate to it.. Like most of the ppl who suffer from Bipolar Disorder..

Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside,

Lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without,

Lithium- I want to stay in love with my sorrow,

Oh but God I want to let it go..

come to bed, don't make me sleep,

Alone couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show,

Never wanted it to be so cold,

Just didn't drink enough to say you love me..

I can't hold on to me,

Wonder what's wrong with me..

Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside,
Lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without,
Lithium- I want to stay in love with my sorrow,
Oh but God I want to let it go..

Don't want to let it lay me down this time,

Drown my will to fly,

Here in the darkness I know myself,

Can't break free until I,

Let it go let me go..

Darling, I forgive you after all,

Anything is better than to be alone,

And in the end I guess I had to fall,

Always find my place among the ashes..

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me..

Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside,

Lithium- don't want to forget how it feels without,

Lithium- I want to stay in love with my sorrow,

Oh but God I want to let it go..