Abhorrence

I've been absorbing all the negativity in the world lately.. It seems like everyone's sadness and misery is building up inside of me and making me depressed.
And I honestly have my own share of misery, so I don't need more crap.
But I'm not receiving this pain by contacting those who are in pain. Well I am, but that's not the only way. It's kind of like sensing and feeling those unpleasant things without even communicating with people. I can feel it. I can simply feel it.. And it's hurting me..

I might not be making any sense, but that's the way it is with me at the moment.

All this hunger, sickness, tragedies, conflicts and many other things are hurting me.. And I'm so helpless. So helpless and pathetic.
Helplessness hurts me too.

So revolted..

But who cares..

Get out of my head please!

I gotta stop reading your messages and texts god damn it!
You are invading my brain, you took over my world.. I can't stop thinking about it.. It's a fact.. And it's hard for me to admit it, but it's true..

I love you..

All I want.. Is to look in your eyes and tell you how I feel about you, knowing and being certain that it wouldn't ruin anything we already have.. Though we have almost nothing left.. I don't even know if you consider me a friend anymore.. But god.. I want you to be mine.. Mine only..

You keep keep me up at night.. I daydream about you during the day.. You are occupying me..
You are haunting me, haunting my thoughts, my dreams, my whole world..
I don't know what to do anymore..

I don't know if I should try and let you go.. Try to forget you and kick you out of my system..
Or give it a shot, a risky shot and tell you how I truly feel about you..
I do realize that I'll end up losing you if I ever tell you the truth, but then.. I hate holding back..

I love you.. With all my heart.. I'm in love with you.. Madly in love with you..

Hatred coming out of love

I hate you.


Actually I love you.
But I hate you because you aren't mine. I hate you for not knowing how much I love you. I hate you for loving someone else. And I hate that someone else.
I hate you because you're mad at me for no good reason.. It might seem like a good reason to you, but once you hear my side of the story, understand the reason behind everything, you'll regret all the time you wasted..

I dream of you every single night.. I dream of us together.. All I want is one shot.. Just one chance.. Let me show you how much I care..

All I have to say is.. I adore you...

Yet another confession

Why is it so easy for you to upset me?
More like.. Why do I easily get upset?

I know the answer but I'm afraid to admit it..
I'm afraid to admit it coz maybe I dun want it to be true..
And I dun want it to be true coz.. I won't get anything out of it basically.. So there's no point..

I noticed that my latest posts were very short n that's because I've been speechless for the last few weeks.. Words betrayed me.. Again..

All I know is that I can't see myself without you.. All I know is that I need u in my life..

And I know.. I just know.. That I love u.

Pain pain pain.. Endless pain..

My heart.. Is hurt.. I'm in serious pain.. Physically and emotionally.. I think the emotional pain is gradually growing into a physical one.. And I wish I can die right now.. I don't want to suffer anymore.. I don't want to be strong or tough because there's absolutely no reason to do that..

Somebody do me a favor n kill me..