Silence is killing me

I miss you dad..
I can't escape this feeling.. It's killing me..

I just need you so much, there's absolutely no one in this whole universe that would make me feel the way you made me feel.. The way you used to look at me, the way you used to love me, hug me and just have faith in me..

I wonder if you'd still feel the same about me if you were alive.. Cause.. I'm feeling very disappointed in myself at this specific moment.. And I reckon you would feel the same way..

Need to hear you telling me that everything will be ok..

In 6 days, it'll be a year since you've been away.. I can't believe it, and I definitely don't want to.. I can understand it, but I hate to face the truth that you'll never be around..

It's so pathetic the way I feel right now.. I feel sorry for myself..

Why on earth did you go and leave me alone??? I know all the answers, and I'm aware of every single fact but I'm so mad and angry.. I'm mad at myself for the way I treated you, I'm mad for leaving you suffer and hurt.. I hate myself..

I just.. Miss you, simple as that..

Having so many feelings and emotions right now that I don't think I am able to express.. Feeling like a prisoner..

I don't think I'll ever wake up in the morning without thinking of you, remembering you, and wishing you are at ease now.. Knowing that you are in a better place now, is the only thing I dream of..

I just wish I told you how much I love you when you were here.. Maybe it would've made you happy, maybe it would've made you smile..
I still remember the text I sent you years ago, and then your phone call, and what you told me.. I know how happy you were then..

You were my shield, but I was a foolish kid to realize it.. And now that I do, I feel so insecure.. You made me feel SAFE.

I love you so much.. I will always love you..

Unfortunately my fallen tears right now won't bring you back, won't let you know how much I care..

I'd do ANYTHING to have just one more day with you..

RIP father